Red Shoes’ Neighborhood

There is a natural disaster headed your way. You get 4 standard sized canvas grocery totes to fill with valuables and provisions to bring with you to a safe place. What would you put into your 4 bags and why?
Submitted by dejablu503.

I would put my wife in one, my two children in another, and a copy of Moby-Dick in the third. I'd leave the fourth bag at home.

I am a farmer who raise ducks and cows. The animals have a total of 9 heads and 26 feet. How many ducks and cows do I have?
Submitted by The BlueTie.

I have 5 cows and 4 ducks, but only because one of my cows has two heads. It is a portent of the end times.

Hello! Some freebies and offers for anyone who's interested.

1. 25 free tracks plus one free audiobook:

Just go to www.emusic.com/mojo . I think you'll have to sign up with them, but it's easy to keep track of how much you've downloaded and easy to cancel.

2. TimeOut subscription for £ 29.99:

This offer was still valid yesterday. Face value of the magazine would set you back £152.49 for the year, and this is the best long-term offer I've seen, working out at 59p per issue. The catch is it's direct debit, but the bonus is that the following year's subscription is also billed at £29.99.

Have a look at www.timeout.com/offers/SC1977A

On a more personal, and slightly naughty, note, I used one of those self-service checkouts in Sainsbury's yesterday. I paid £4.20 on my card for some buy-one-get-one-free stuff, and the machine went on the blink. Cue much annoyance and swearing. Then it gave me £5.80 change. I didn't notice until the nice attendant pressed it into my impoverished mitt as I tried to leave. Seemed rude to say no.

Anyway, it does raise the issue that these machines can be pretty rubbish - and presumably more likely to make mistakes that aren't in your favour. I'll be checking my receipts more carefully in future.

I am a farmer who raise ducks and cows. The animals have a total of 9 heads and 26 feet. How many ducks and cows do I have?
Submitted by The BlueTie.

Who's a clever little shitkicker, eh?

With a noise like the last half inch of milkshake, Sherbert slurps off my boob, grunts happily and lies back on my lap to gaze at me in wonder, a small dribble of milk running down into his chins.

"Look at him looking at you!"  clucks my mother, "He loves his mummy!"

"Nah," says my brother, "He's just wondering why that boob's got a head."

Show us a bird native to your habitat.

Steller's Jay (Cyanocitta stelleri). They land with a graceless thump, skitter and lurch oafishly, snaffle the biggest nut in sight, and flap manically up into a tree to scarf it down. I love them.

StellersJay

I'm antsy because I've forgotten how to blog.

And because I had a crappy lunch out.  Sprog weed all over the floor and Sherbert pooed on my friend's leg.

And because I have a friend coming round for a coffee and both children are asleep and I can't be arsed to put trousers on and make conversation.

And because we're waiting to hear about a job thing for Mr S, but the inconsiderate git is on site all day so not checking his emails so there could be an email sitting in his inbox RIGHT NOW but I have to wait until he gets home to find out.  This is killing me.  Further details to follow if I remember how to blog.

This post started life entitled 'the yin and the yang of lunch' and was marginally funny, then it became a full report of the job thing, now it's this.

Was I visiting the Gents when Margaret Thatcher's reputation was reappraised?

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the Iron Lady something of a bogey woman?

So why is she being considered for a state funeral?

Now don't misunderstand me, I'm all for putting the (metaphorical) willies up her by banging on about her funeral while she's still here with us*, but I'd be telling her that we are going to be putting her out with the rubbish on Wednesday morning. Next to the recycling.

I blame that BBC 4 programme from a few months ago. They cast a good looking woman in the lead and the trailers trick you in to thinking it's some sub Carry On up Westminster romp when in actual fact it was a subtle horror tracing the rise of one of the most hateful women the world has ever seen.

Just because she's an old lady doesn't mean she's deserving of our sympathy, lots of the people whose jobs she took are old people too. Remember that and think on.

State funeral indeed.

Rock the boogie fatwa.

* Hell I'll bury her now if someone can lure her round to Streatham for me.

I am sorry for the short entry but I am busting to wee (TMI, sorry).

Had my Guardian photos done today.

The photographer told me they wanted two sets of shots - one indoors and one outside.

This is because the editors want me to be on the cover of G2.

*falls over*

I finally cracked and did some shopping of a non-essential nature. Granted, I did go via Quidco for a 12% cashback, and used a 1% cashback credit card, and it was fairly useful stuff that will get used a lot.

But where did I go...?

Yep, my old favourite, the La Senza sale. For £23 I bagged a new bra, two pairs of gym shorts and a gym top.

For once I was sensible and steered myself away from the frillies. But if you're feeling flush, I can heartily endorse everything in the Evita pure silk range. The mocha chemise, for example, is half price at £15, currently in stock in sizes 8 to 16. Would make a very stylish girly gift (you don't even need to know her bra size), and could easily be hidden away until a birthday or Xmas.

As ever, the search function on the website is pretty unreliable, so try a basic search, then do as many category searches as you can think of as well. It's often the only way to ferret out the bargains. Also try the 'clearance' category (link on the top right of the screen).